the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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