I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
