I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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