I think I am morally bankrupt
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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