Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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