I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
