there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
