smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Pants are for mortals
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
