I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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