Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
