you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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