dude i'm inner monologue high
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
