There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
