we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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