I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
