All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
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I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
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That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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