Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
