omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
