So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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