you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
