I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
