either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
