Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
