We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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