i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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