apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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