End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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