I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Last time i carry you out of a forest
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
