Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
