dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
