but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
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I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
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I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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