Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
