if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
