One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
