It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
