I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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