How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
