we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
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Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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