so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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