My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
