clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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