I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
