Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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