I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
