i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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