are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
