Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
