I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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