I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize