you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
