I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
