So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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