First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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