my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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