i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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