You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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