He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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