just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
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