I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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