Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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