The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
