Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
