She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
whose ass print is on the piano?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
