I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
