Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
