Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
