So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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