Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
