Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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