I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
