We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
