I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
