I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
